I decided to refresh the color in my hair, and in the process of washing out the color, I Lost. A. Lot. of Hair. There was one patch of hair that came out in a big messy clump.

And that’s how I knew it was time for the return of the pixie cut I wore for many years. And so I got out the clippers and got busy, and my Austrian was there to help me each step of the way (he is a treasure)! Surprisingly, the new hair cut was pretty successful at covering the bald patches.

But a few days later, it was no longer possible to cover the bald patches with a purple comb over! And just then a friend dropped by with a box of hats (Thanks Sharon!) and I quickly found a few new favorites out of her box of tricks. And the one I ordered from Amazon also turned up right on time, and will also be a comfortable option as well. I have long thought wearing hats was a lost art, so I am delighted to be able to express my creativity by wearing a selection of fun and quirky hats!

I have not done the full buzz cut or shiny bald cut yet, but that’s coming soon to a chemo patient near you.

So… when I asked the chemo nurse navigator when I would lose my hair, she confidently said chemo 3. For me it was at the end of chemo 1. For you it may be a different time, and that’s fine. On one hand I wished I had more time to play with my hair. On the other hand, the low levels of energy I have had make doing a lot with my hair sound like work.

As for feelings, I have not felt a lot of big feelings with this transition. I think because I wore super short hair for so long, and women would come up to me and tell me they wished they had the courage to go so short. I don’t know what bravery has to do with it, but this pixie cut feels like an old friend. I am fine. And even if big feels show up when I shave off the last bits, I will be fine then also. Hats are fun! I have my eye on a purple wig, so that will also be just fine.

And if big feelings do come, a I will notice them and feel them and allow them to pass. It’s ok not to be ok. Hair matters. I can’t explain how or why, but hair matters.

If you’ve been here for a while you know the drill. Here is my crafted prayer and declaration as I contemplate my hair in this season:

I am making my hair an offering. It is not stolen from me. I give it to the One who gave it to me. My hair is an embodied prayer, a sacrifice of praise, and I offer it freely.

Sending you love,

Carmen