For me, the drain was the hardest part of mastectomy surgery recovery. There is some pain with surgery, but here are great drugs for that. There is some itching as the area heals, but there are good lotions for that. The drain, on the other hand is just always so… relentlessly THERE.

A surgical JP drain looks like a squeeze bulb that has a spout and cap on it, attached to a long tail of fine plastic tubing. A portion of that tubing has tiny holes (like a French drain) and this part is placed in the surgical site to prevent a build up of lymph node serum, which could turn into a seroma – or a underground lake of fluid in the body that is trapped and can’t get out without aid of stabbies. The drain is held in place by a stitch at the skin where it exits, and in the case of breast surgery, the tail of the drain wraps all the way around the breast on the inside in order to let out all the juices. Fun times.

At the beginning every touch of any part of the drain sent “yikes” messages to my body. It was sensitive and painful. I learned to hold my arm close to my body to keep the tubing in close so that it wouldn’t snag on things. I also learned to steady the bulb as I walked, because the motion of walking traveled up the line to my body. I learned to always check it before I got up, and to steady it as I sat down. In bed I checked it to make sure I wasn’t laying on it, and that it was at a comfortable angle. In time it became MUCH less painful, thankfully! Nevertheless, I was constantly monitoring it so that I didn’t get hurt.

For a while I wore the bulb in a necklace sort of thing around my neck. But that put the bulb right at my belly button – not a good look for me. Then I wore it around my shoulder like a cross body bag, and that kept it more on my side. But there was a lot of movement in that option, and movement often meant discomfort. So I tried the belt option, wearing it on my hip. I learned to keep track of the cord (which was just long enough to stick out when worn at my hip) because if it got twisted around the pouch on the bag, it would put extra pressure on the spot where the drain came out of me. And snagging on things isn’t good, so I developed some unconscious habits over time.

One time at the Women’s Center I saw another patient arrive with hers in a necklace style holder on top of her clothing. It never occurred to me not to hide the thing. That was something of a revelation. You don’t have to hide your drain!

And a number of times when I left the house with it, I took it off the belt and tucked the bulb into the waist of a pair of yoga pants, which was the most stealthy option for being in public. That’s how I was wearing it today when I visited the seminary for a chapel service and to reconnect with friends.

And there were three times I dropped the bulb, which meant a good solid yank on the spot where it was sewn in place on my side. Memorable. The surprise for me was how little it actually hurt each time I did that, but the cringe, clench, and anticipation of pain was certainly all there and working overtime.

A number of times I thought the spot where the drain left my body might be infected and sent photos to the nurses at Dr Surgeon’s office but they assured me that it looked fine. It became super irritated and cranky, and I felt like I was coming down with something and had a small fever. Thankfully, my immune system was on point! A little pinkness is normal. For me, leaking was normal. And crusty scabby stuff around the drain exit was normal. Neosporin + pain relief was a huge help. The nurse stressed that pink was normal, red was not! Good to know.

My drain was with me starting with surgery #2, and then replaced with a new one during surgery #3. It was there day and night – and I mention night because I sleep on my side – or did until the drain prevented it. And today, after 50 days, they took it out. I celebrated by laying on my side in bed completely pain free! WOW! I could get used to this! I’m sure I will.

Part of life with a drain is knowing that it will eventually come out. And while I was asleep each time they installed it, I knew I would not be asleep for the removal. I watched a few YouTube videos explaining how it’s removed, and it didn’t seem like a big deal to the patient in those examples. However, when I would think about it being removed, it would set off all the anxiety alarms. Big flashing lights: PAIN AHEAD! BRACE YOURSELF! My breathing would change, muscles would tense… it was kind of not fun. I had days where I stressed about it, and I had days where I didn’t think about it at all. I remembered how the nurse showed me that it would be coiled around the breast inside the body, and it looked like a lot of tubing. How could that come out of me without me going through the roof? Dread. Anxiety. Tension.

I had a post-op appointment and they were going to take the drain out that day. We talked about how much fluid was coming out and the nurse told me there was too much coming out to remove the drain – it would cause a seroma. I cried. Then I cried some more. But she was right and I knew it, and I don’t need another seroma so I chose to keep the drain at that point. Then she left and I cried again.

Today I didn’t have an appointment, I just dropped by the Women’s Center because I had been next door at the Cancer Center for blood work. I stubbornly refused to let my brain even consider the drain or the possible removal. They worked me in. There were 16 inches of drain tubing beneath my skin wrapped around inside my body, which I found really quite amazing.

Did it hurt when they took it out? Nope. Not at all. It was a super weird sensation, but it wasn’t pain. It just felt like a train on tracks leaving my body. I have some nerve damage in that area with portions of body where I don’t yet have feeling, so that may be part of it. But I noticed that it wasn’t a big deal for the women whose videos I watched on YouTube. Can someone explain to me how having that much tubing coming out of the side of my body genuinely doesn’t hurt? I don’t get it.

I am certainly grateful. It may continue to leak some in the coming days, and that’s fine. I’m used to that. This lymph serum doesn’t stain and though it makes cloth turn crispy, it does wash out just fine.

I am soooo grateful that this drain, the bane of my existence for the last 50 days, is finally out of me. Tonight I will sleep on my side with a smile on my face. This part of the journey is behind me now and I am sooooooo glad!

What have you been dreading? I pray that it’s NOTHING like what you fear, that it’s sooooo much easier than you expect. I pray that Jesus floods you with peace through it. None of us are getting out of these earth suits without some pain, some tears, and some down days. There will also be triumphs and transcendent moments. That’s all part of what it means to be human. In the mean time, please know that you matter to me.

Peace be with you.

Carmen