I find myself breaking my life in half over cancer. I have the “BC” (before cancer) years, and the post cancer years separated by this little bit I am living right now – a slow season. I think big health events make us take stock a bit. I had already been living the simple life I wanted to live, so I don’t anticipate any drastic changes, but there are a few key things I need more of in my life.

Bubbles are on that list. A friend is going to show me how to make the big ones. Plus I have been exploring getting a bubble machine that will fit in my MGB so that I can drive through town with the top down leaving a stream of bubbles behind me. That will be so much fun! Yes, I definitely need more bubbles in my life!

Years ago I was a jewelry designer and I gained a lot of fun skills as I explored different disciplines. There were some things I wanted to explore creatively but didn’t and that feels a little unfinished to me now. So maybe I will keep an eye out for someone who can teach me some finer metalworking skills. And maybe some stone cutting. That’d be ridiculously fun.

I used to be a musician but let most of those skills slide away with neglect, so it’s on my list to spend more time at the piano and maybe see if I can get this voice back in working order. It would be fun to record some of the songs I have written and share them. Plus, music is a prayer language that suits my soul just fine.

I’ve been dealing with chemo induced anemia (super exhausting!) but all this down time has given me the opportunity to dive deep into some really interesting things on YouTube. Sometimes I think watching is enough for me, I don’t need to scuba dive for treasure or try to solve missing persons cases with fancy underwater gear. I don’t think I will take up magnet fishing or metal detecting, and I don’t expect to buy a chateau in France and restore it to its former glory! But picking up sea glass on a beach in the Bahamas sounds like fun to me! I almost tried finger knitting but it turned into crochet by accident.

Generally I just think I have spent too much time working and not enough time playing in my BC life. Work/life balance is pretty challenging and I have invested most of my BC life in work. I want more music, art, bubbles, and travel in my post-cancer life. And I want more people around my table. But I also have a bunch of books I want to write, maybe even some composing to do. What fun!

These days I run out of steam at a certain point and then I have to stop. I sometimes fight it trying to pull more energy out of these bones, but empty energy banks are relentless and always win in the end. I am looking forward to nearly a year of chemo ahead, plus four weeks of radiation when I have healed enough from surgery. I hear can radiation can cause significant long lasting fatigue. So I know this slower pace is here to stay for a while. Fighting it will only lead to frustration.

So how would it look to embrace the slow instead of fighting it? How would it look to make the most of my rest? How would it feel to not fight against my body limitations and live a more contemplative lifestyle?

There is a slow year ahead of me and knowing it ahead of time is an opportunity. Surely there is something here that is more gift than burden.

What do you need more of in your life? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Sending love your way,

Carmen

PS: bubbles are awesome!